Hi.
I thought I'd just stop by and say hello. It's just me and of course Jesus, because I always hang out with him and he kind of feels a kinship to me or should I say that sometimes he feels a little sorry for me. I can be as dingy as they come but when something really drives me, I can be as mean and serious, scrutinizing and as sticky as they come as well. Just like God is Father, Son and Holy Ghost, 3 persons in one being, I am a zillion persons into myself. I am a girl,a daughter, a sister, a sibling of 9, a young lady, a woman, a wife, a mother, a widow with a beautiful baby grandaughter. I happen to be in love with the greatest man of all time since my first exposition to him, as a child's first conciencious awareness, to the present. And unless Alzheimer's is in my path to finding him in heaven, I will always know him, love him and want to be with him in heaven.
Call me a phanatic. Ok. So what? I am a fan of his, but I can honestly tell you that when I wasn't such a fan of his, I seemed to be missing something. I had like a hole in my heart and even in my brain of sorts. It was like no matter what I did, where I went, what I ate, what I felt, it just wasn't cutting it for me. Anything I would fill up those holes with just seemed to empty out constantly, no seal, no bottom, just leaks everywhere. And from time to time when I busy myself even now with other things and put him on the back-burner, I get those old ugly pangs of hunger just for an instant. What does it take to make me feel fulfilled and indeed intrinsically happy again? You pretty much already know by now. But I'll say it anyway. I focus on my most intimate friend, who is my Lord, my God and my all. I talk to him and ask him why I am so dumb sometimes. I try to justify to him why I hurt somone so deeply and so often and I can just see him look at me with that "yeah right" look and I finally admit "ok, ok Lord, I feel bad for hurting that person, help me make it up to thum (him or her)."
People that know me in real life know that I make up words from time to time because the dictionary kind doesn't always seem to define what's on my mind. So pardon me for that.
Anyway in the grand scheme of things, I just would like to share with you from time to time my very best of times and the worst of it all, if you would like to pull up a chair and log on from time to time. I'm just ordinary in most ways, unusual in others but I am like you in this world just getting by from day to day hanging on to my convictions and that thread of hope to not have to fall in the burning pits of hell, but even to hope for Purgatory at best, because that is better as a safety net and probably where most end up. But I will continue to forge on ahead and trek my way to God help me, Paradise.
No comments:
Post a Comment